Thankful

I am so incredibly thankful for friendship. 

I got to catch up and spend quality time with an old friend this afternoon and it was good for my heart. (It's kind of funny to call her 'an old friend' since we've only known each other for 3 years but it feels like so much longer) Taking the time out of the craziness of life and sitting down to have real conversations with real people is so vital. I'm thankful especially for this friend's ability to listen and be open to who I am and how to get to know me better than she already does. She knows so many little details about my life already that it's easy to pick up anywhere and talk about goofy things to serious things in a blink of an eye. How beautiful it is to share this life with so many different special people that can teach us lessons that will improve our quality of life. 

A New Way of Running

Oh hello there. It's me again. Second time in one day after months of nothing. Not sure how that works.

Anyways, fasten your seatbelt and get ready for some deep thoughts. This evening I went for a run by myself on the old golf course at my school since I couldn't go to practice because of class. That quality alone time always fosters creative thought  and therefore here I am sharing the results of my running thoughts.  However, before I get to tonight's thoughts I'm going to back track a few weeks to another fateful day on the same golf course.

On this particular day we were doing 1000 meter repeats, a dreaded workout that really takes a lot out of everyone no matter how skillful a runner you are. Even so, the beautiful thing about this workout was that the weather decided to cool off and give us a nice breeze to glide through. (Whenever I feel a gust of wind when I'm running I feel like it's the Holy Spirit enveloping me.) As I was pushing through one of these 1000 meters I was profoundly struck by my weakness and God's immense strength. Let me explain a little background before we delve into the meaning of that thought. All my life I've been relatively strong, not in the body-builder-let-me-flex-my-massive-muscles strong, but rather the mental day-by-day strength just powering through all the little things in life. I never really thought there was another option. It's how my family functions, my dad, mom and three brothers all display a similar strength, or so I always thought, since we rarely talk about having weaknesses. But on this day in my workout I knew that there was no way that I could power through and reach my assigned times without some help from someone bigger than myself, namely God. That's when it hit me and I really believed it that time, I am weak and that's ok because God can and will be my strength. That doesn't mean I have the cop-out mentality of "Oh I can't do it so I guess God will take care of it for me." No. It's more like "I am so weak all by my human self so I am going to try but I know that God will be by my side through it all." It seems so obvious and I've always known it to be true but not until this day did I fully grasp it's meaning and how it applied directly to me. Praise Jesus for His abundant mercy and open arms carrying me along all this time without fully acknowledging him. Let's just say Philippians 4:13 has a greater meaning to me now. Get this, it gets better.

On to tonight. Tonight I built off of my realization that He is my strength and took it one step further. This weekend we have a pretty big meet and I'm really excited and was doing a little visualizing and setting goals of what I want to accomplish but it all seemed wrong. All the goals I was setting for this weekend came back to me wanting to prove myself to someone else including my coach, an old friend, my family and even my very own self. I was planning to do really well so I could beat my old high school record or be able to call home and say "I had a phenomenal race." No no no no. It's all so wrong. That's not the point. Here comes the next lightening bolt of knowledge... I am here because God placed me here. He gave me this ability to run and the gift of doing it at the level that I am so why am I running for anyone but Him? He gave me this gift and if I were to not use it that would be like giving a birthday present back to a friend and saying "Thanks for the gift but I don't want it so you can just keep it." Instead I will use this gift He has so graciously given to me and I will use it to it's absolute fullest because it doesn't do any good hiding it under a bushel basket. (Matthew 5:15) Now stay with me here... it's still not about me... He gave me this ability to use to the absolute best of my ability so that the world can see His power and beauty through me. When I run in a race and strive to run faster and faster it's not so I can do what my coach told me or out do another girl on my team or in the race it's so I can harness the gift God gave me and let His light shine through so that others can know the truth of His everlasting power and goodness. If I run knowing that it is not by my strength alone but rather through His strength and His gift then I will be able to spread His gospel more freely and I pray that through His grace many may be drawn to His love.

The Next Step

I need to live my life more conscientiously. 

Last night I said that in the midst of laughter and goofiness with my dear roommates as we were unwinding from a day full of celebrating one of my roommates 21st birthday. It was too deep of a statement for that moment but now here I am still pondering it. It's true. Once in awhile it's so beneficial to take a step back and attempt to look at yourself and your life from an aerial view. Sometimes it makes us see things about our habits and tendencies that we don't want to acknowledge but hard facts are hard facts. Lately I've been living lackadaisically. (Yes, I did just use that word) That may not be the perfect description of how I've been living but it's a start. I've been going through the motions jumping from one thing to the next getting things done because I know it's the right thing to do. Rather because it's what I have to do to get one step closer to that day in May where I wear a cap and gown. 

What a miserable way to live. Time to start being present to everyone I encounter and doing my work consciously. I need to especially start with spending more time in the Lord's presence. I also want to start journaling more again. While I was studying abroad in Austria I made myself write in my journal every single day and then when I got home to the states I just quit doing it. I think it was an excellent way to review each day and it's also super fun to look back and read.  

I am living my life conscientiously. 

Monday Musings: We All Fall Down

Hello there!
This post is dedicated to new beginnings.

Lately I have been pondering how throughout life I have fallen over and over again and have had to muster the strength to stand back up and start again. This has ranged from legitimately falling during the cross country season and having to humbly heal my ankle and restart running to falling out of routine in daily life and having to get back on track of striving to be the best I can be. Yesterday at mass I was in the midst of pondering this and I looked up and I was sitting right next to the Ninth Station of the Cross, Jesus Falls the Third Time. It hit me like a ton of bricks: no matter what, Jesus is right there with us and has felt everything we have. He fell too. He fell three times with a heavy cross on top of him and crowds jeering at him and yet he still got back up and showed the word his immense love. I realized I have to do the same. I will continue to stumble through life but every time I fall I must get back up and love the world around me with a more passionate love.

Also, I'm a newbie to the iPhone world but my brother's girlfriend, Beth, opened my eyes to the Laudate app (Let's just say I think it's great) and this is the excerpt from its reflection on the Ninth Station:

"Consider the third fall of Jesus Christ. His weakness was extreme, and the cruelty of His executioners excessive, who tried to hasten His steps when He had scarcely strength to move. Ah, my outraged Jesus, by the merits of the weakness Thou didst suffer in going to Calvary, give me strength sufficient to conquer all human respect and all my wicked passions, which have led me to despise Thy friendship. I love Thee, Jesus, my love, with my whole heart; I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt." 

Wow. Let's begin again and take the world over with our optimism.

picture via  Claire Bach taken near Hallstatt, Austria

Wave As It Goes

Blog blog blog. Hello blog. Long time no see.

Fall semester 2012 is over. Phew. What a whirlwind.

Ups downs and in betweens I am so incredibly blessed to be living the life I live. Some days were awful but others were so incredible that words cannot describe them and I am so thankful for both scenarios. Growth has occurred all over the place and I’m excited about it.

Now onto to preparing for studying abroad. Wait what? Ready. Set. Go.

Don't Let the World Harden You

The other day I was starting to feel really down and not as happy as I usually am and I didn't know what to do or how to act. I was starting to feel trapped in my own body. However, thanks to my run, I came to the conclusion that I was letting the world get to me and letting it influence me negatively. Going running serves as a great place for provoking thoughts and brainstorming for me. This particular run helped to remind me how beautiful this world is and how much beauty each of us has to give. It is very easy for all of us to be our best/worst critic. We know all of our downfalls better than anyone else. We must, however, not focus on those downfalls in a negative manner we must build on them and learn from them -- incorporate them into the landscape, so to speak. We must stand resistant to the sad ways of the world; instead we should embrace the beauty which it contains and help to showcase it. I beg you to believe in the beauty of your dreams, believe in the beauty of yourself and all that you have to share with the world.

You Can't Force Passion

The other day while helping out at my Dad's veterinary clinic I had a client ask me if I was going to be a veterinarian too. I responded by saying something along the lines of, "No I don't plan on it, you have to have a passion for it and you can't force passion." The words just came out of my mouth. I had never established that thought before in my mind but it made me realize how true my statement was. You can't force passion. Everyone has their own special passions.
Sometimes I catch myself being jealous of others passions and wishing that I have the same talents and passions as them. A classic case of the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome.
For me my passions are works in progress and I have to accept that and be ok with it. I'm still figuring out what I am truly passionate about and I will figure it out with time and faith in God's plan for me.